Stupid is as stupid does

Posted on June 30, 2009

(Photos by Zitian Yap)
It was sometime last year that lottery jackpots started getting pretty substantial. One of the first big ones was by Powerball, and if my memory serves me right the jackpot was around $40-60 million. On the day it was due to be drawn, I had the day off and was bumming around at JDM Yard, catching up on all the industry gossip with Zi (I always find it ironic that the aftermarket scene, which is overfilling with testosterone, can be so much like a sewing circle).

When one of their customers happened to mention that night’s lottery, it was as if a light bulb went off above our heads. In total synchronisation, we both came up with the idea of getting everyone we knew to pool together cash to buy a Systems entry, something that neither of us had done before. Basically a Systems entry gives you more numbers than the amount drawn, dramatically increasing the theoretical number of games.

And so we started going through our phones, dialling number after number. After our second or third call we had our sales pitch down pat, and I think out of the 20 or so people that committed, there was only two that declined. It was as if we were selling stock: we’d bark the pitch down the phone, confirm the amount, hang up and then dial the next person straight away.

The amounts that people chipped in varied, ranging from $50 all the way through to $400. The premise was we’d buy the biggest Systems entry we could, and if we were to win then it would be split in proportion to how much you put in. It was starting to sound like a fool-proof plan. And after an hour and a half, we had pooled together nearly four large.

With only half an hour left before the newsagencies closed, there was no time to collect all the money, so we withdrew from our bank accounts. It must have been quite a sight for the person behind the newsagent counter: here were two bums in hoodies packing a thick wad of cash, ready to splurge on a Systems 17 entry (I think it was the equivalent to something like 6000 games). Considering how big the store owner’s eyes were bulging, I think they had never seen anyone buy such a big ticket. He’d look at the cash, look us up and down, look back at the cash, and then ask us again if we were serious. Carefully, he counted and examined every note, probably thinking they were all counterfeit. He even held each one up to the light! Considering how it was near closing time, there was a long line of irate people behind us, who were facing a very good chance of missing out because of two gangster-looking fools.

Since we had prepaid on behalf of so many people, we decided seal the ticket in an envelope and not look at it until everyone had paid up. This would prevent anyone from pulling out if we didn’t win anything. That night, I must admit that I was pretty excited. In fact I think we all were. On MSN we were all browsing domain.com.au, showing off which house we’d buy. Tempting fate? You better believe it.

But we did end up winning. Though not Division One. Nor Division Two. In fact, we won - wait for it - $11. To this day none of us have cashed it in because of the sheer embarrassment of having to hand over a $4k ticket to be verified. I think Zi has it framed up in his shop actually. Even though there was a record $90 million OzLotto draw this evening, none of us mentioned anything about Systems entries. There were no calls, no sales pitches, no pool of cash. If there’s an upside, it’s that we’ll be laughing about it for many years to come!

Bruno premiere

Posted on June 29, 2009

When the cinema audience screams excitedly as the host asks: “Does Sydney want to see lots of c*ck?!”, you know you’re in for a truly interesting night. And that’s exactly what happened this evening.

Anna had mailed me a super cool bday pressie, which were some passes to the Australian premiere of Bruno. Held at the State Theatre, Market St was absolutely chaotic, with the police and security struggling to contain the crowds from spilling onto the roads.

All of the fuss was over Sacha Baron Cohen, who had made spectacular entrances at all of the Bruno premieres in other countries. This time was no different, with Bruno strutting down the middle of the road wearing little more than chest armour and with a horse in tow. Although the horse wore blinders, it was still getting pretty startled by all the flash photography, and there were moments where it looked like it was going to bolt.

Before the movie started I was desperately trying to find a bathroom (for some reason they had closed off the main ones), and after a couple of wrong turns I bumped into Sacha himself, struggling with his armour to make it down the stairs that led into the theatre. His minders pretty much had to support him from both sides to stop him from toppling over!

Earlier on in the year I saw some unedited snippets at a seasonal preview, and so I knew what to expect: Bruno takes the very fabric of social convention and political correctness and douses it in flames, in a way that makes Borat seem PG rated. Everyone bar the most sadistic will find a moment or two in the movie a tad uncomfortable, but I guess that’s what it’s all about. While I’m sure there will be many who will be mortified by the movie, I found it much more entertaining than Borat. The quip about Mel Gibson had me absolutely in stitches.

Faux pas

Posted on June 28, 2009

Excluding Friday night’s crazy dinner,I didn’t really have a weekend befitting a birthday as I’ve been stuck in front of the computer for the past two days. That said, I have a nice bottle of red beside me to ease the pain, which was a gift from my good friend Chris. I was surprised to see him at my bday dinner, and I did a completely unintenional faux pas of blurting out “What are you doing here!”

I think he might have taken it the wrong way as being uninvited, but I was just surprised that he was in Sydney, as I thought he was in Vanuatu. Since leaving IS Motor Racing, Chris has been jetsetting all over the world. Although mainly for business, the tropical destinations that he visits will surely make anyone envious. Indeed he had to leave the dinner early as the next morning he was flying out to Bali. Have a safe trip bud!

The craziest of nights

Posted on June 26, 2009

Around a month ago Zi from JDMyard reserved a room at Wagaya for my birthday. Although I had been looking forward to it, I was super exhausted as I had to stay up the night prior to converse with a business contact in France.

Wagaya’s not one of my favourite Sydney Japanese restaurants, but Zi assured me that we’d have a great time since we had a room to ourselves and the touch-screen menus meant we wouldn’t be constantly interrupted. Effectively we could run amuck, which was exactly what we did.

Ever since I was old enough to hold a driver’s license, I swore to never catch public transport ever again. I hated the weirdos, the stench, the constant delays. Zi is similarly prissy, and so when he told me he was catching a train into the city I didn’t believe him. In fact I bet him $20 he wouldn’t do it. Perhaps it was the financial incentive, but Zi brought the ticket to prove me wrong. He even BBM’d me with images of him on the train.

Fended off 20 hungry people to snap this shot before it was wolfed down.

Lotus chips. So nice.

Sushi roulette, just like Russian roulette. Each plate has one sushi stuffed with wasabi, and it’s a great game to play with friends. I was lucky the first two rounds (poor Julie was crying when she copped a loaded one), but on the last one I was caught out.

Unfortunately I don’t think it’s appropriate to reveal the crazy antics that went on that night (although I have a feeling some videos will leak onto YouTube). Fuelled by over 80 Asahis, this was a night that none of us will be forgetting soon. And I don’t think it’ll be ever be repeated either, considering the amount of money we lost to various dares. The Wagaya staff didn’t look very happy with our rowdy behaviour, and after four hours they were dropping some not so subtle hints that we should leave. And that’s when we were given the longest bill I’ve ever seen!

Catfight

Posted on June 25, 2009

Even though soccer’s not really considered a contact sport, you have to expect the occasional knock or two (I seem to be getting my fair share recently). Now while 99.99% of the time I’m a super calm person, I was super pissed at one of our recent opponents. Elbowed in the nose, OK. Kicked in the knee, OK. Shirt pulled, yanked and twisted, OK. But then he resorted to scratching me with his Freddy Krueger fingernails. That sent me over the edge. The good news is that we’ll be going up against that team towards the end of the season. Evil Charles is already planning sweet revenge!

Still full from Yum Cha

Posted on June 25, 2009

Today was a day I’ve been dreading for, well, a year. Because it’s my birthday, which aren’t fun when you’re an adult. I’ve now turned 28, and you might as well round up that sh*t to three-oh. The guys and girls at work did a good job of keeping my mind off the fact I’m an old fart by taking me out to yum cha at Marigold. We were so hungry that we started eating before everyone arrived!

Eleven hungry people meant that we practically ate a trolley and a half of food. Since we arrived just before closing time, the restaurant owners were probably delighted that we finished off whatever they had left!

Mango pancakes are nice but I’m certainly not addicted to them (I’m an egg tart fan). Kula and Chantal on the other hand, are the complete opposite. Even though Kula had stuffed himself full, he still managed to find some stomach space to fit five of these in!

Sydney hospitality

Posted on June 24, 2009

Friend came up from Melbourne for a short work trip, so we headed out for dinner at Din Tai Fung.

Even on a winter Wednesday night you still have to wait for a table!

Open kitchen so you can see the surgeon-like precision as they craft the dumplings.

Everything you order is just a preamble to what you’re really here for: dumplings.

Perhaps it’s just me, but Din Tai Fung seems to be slipping. Don’t get me wrong, the dumplings are still great, but they’re just not as nice as what I remember.

Afterwards we headed to the Four Seasons Hotel for dessert. As I was quite stuffed, I only ordered a drink. The menu made it sound so nice: “organically grown tea, the zest of fresh lemon and the warmth of ginger.” Then this bottle came out. Cmon guys.

Write more why don’t you

Posted on June 23, 2009

Pulled on one of my favourite tees the other day: an old J Lindeberg shirt I picked up three years ago. I hadn’t worn it for quite some time, and before long I noticed something irritating my hip. Turns out it was the care tags, which are ridiculously long. Why the hell does a t-shirt need two care tags that are nearly 4-inches long? They’ve written an entire chapter on them!

Memories

Posted on June 23, 2009

Back in my uni days I used to juggle two part-time jobs, one at AMEX and the other as a department editor for a free press magazine. They weren’t glamorous jobs by any stretch of the imagination, especially on the magazine side of things. Since it was run by mates (who I met via AMEX), it was a very small operation, and every month we’d have to do the mag drops ourselves.

On delivery Saturday, I’d stumble out of my house at 7AM - with bed head, clacking in thongs and nursing a hangover - and drive a beaten up, column-shift Hiace van (because no one else drove manual). We’d borrow the van from one of the guy’s dads, stuffing the back with the thousands of magazines we had to deliver. After we had finished all the drop offs, we’d always park in the loading dock outside Emperor’s Garden in Chinatown to grab takeaway. Like true fobs we’d be squatting in the back of that Hiace as we ate our lunch. Today I happened to be in the area, so for old times sake I grabbed the same thing I did back then: roast duck with rice. Oh the memories!

More cool Jap stuff

Posted on June 22, 2009

Going through my cupboard I found a stash of these heating pads I picked up from Japan. I had crammed huge wads of the damn things into my luggage so that I could use them during our winter photo shoots, and in typical Charles fashion they were promptly forgotten about when I returned to Sydney. For anyone who works outdoors in the cold, these are the shit.

There are two types - one with beads which you shake, the other which is thinner and has an adhesive side - and they stay hot for hours on end (word of warning: be careful where you stick them because they can get HOT!) Off the top of my head they cost around $8 for ten and can be picked up at any convenience store in Japan. Chemists in Sydney have similar products, but since here they’re marketed as injury relief pads they’re sold at $8+ each. What a rip.

Note to self: remember to use them!

Ramming home how cool Japanese stuff is are these chewy lollies Garth picked up. Apparently they’re - of all things - dragonfruit flavour.

“Kinda like what a sugary eraser would taste like” was my initial comment as I gnawed at it. But then the red gummy-like stuff in the centre came out. Yummy!

I feel like a kid again

Posted on June 19, 2009

Recently I’ve been getting cravings for, of all things, cupcakes. I have no idea how or why the cravings started, but I’ve been snapping them up whenever I see them at cafes. I feel like an 8 year old again!

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